11.19.2009

Every Step

There's nothing like researching your billionth French project of the semester to drive you back into your blog.

Hello. I'm sorry about my absence for the past month. Between the school play and work and my incredibly dense workload for school, writing these little things has failed to be a priority. Anyway, I'm here now. =)

My life has officially become a bagful of stress. Top of my list right now? The lead in my section of the play that I was so excited about fell ill last Tuesday and I have not seen him in any sort of healthy state since. I was going to say that I haven't seen him period, but I have. Leaning against a doorframe, pale white, shivering. My director made him go home immediately. "So what's the real problem?" you might ask. "Just let him get better and find a suitable understudy." The problem is this: The casting that my teacher did was absolutely perfect. I may not be 100% my part, but he so was. Not exactly a compliment considering his character is a creepy, murderous, manipulative lunatic (he's the madman in Poe's The Tell-Tale Heart)... but it just works. Trust me.

This is the second time this school year that he's gotten really sick. His immune system is completely shot and it's gotten to the point where I'm more worried about his general health than his return to school. But let's not forget to acknowledge that this could not come at a worse time. Not only are we performing a play in which he is one of the stars in two weeks, but our school's 8-person improv team starts their season next week, and, you guessed it, he's a vital aspect. They're one of those teams that's developed a balance. When the full team's there, they are twice as good as when one or two are missing. God.

OK, so it's now about two weeks later and I'm finally finishing the blog. Sicky Boy is better now (his cough and insanely runny nose are the exceptions) and the aforementioned improv team made finals. Sicky Boy wasn't at prelims, but he's gonna be there. It's good to see him better now just because he was so miserable when he was sick.

I don't even want to talk about the complete and utter ridiculousness of my other courses, or the complete ridiculousness of my customers at work.

What I do want to discuss is my completely irrational new attraction. I've really known him for a little over a year and I've never been remotely interested in him... even as a person in general before. Suddenly, just as my whole life gets complicated, he becomes interesting to me. Very interesting. This not-my-type, very much taken boy who will never look twice at me is pretty close to the centre of my attention. I want to be around him all the time and he's a comfortable person to talk to and he makes me smile and he's always thinking what I'm thinking and I panic when I realize a time will come all too soon where he won't be around anymore because one of us will be out of this town (asyndeton, bitch -- Firefox dictionary doesn't know that word, but he would). I, on a regular basis, find myself hovering, trying to decide whether or not to reach out. I would give nearly anyone else a hug without any thought, but hugging him for some reason requires a bunch of calculation which usually equals "don't do it."

Life is difficult. This is why I HATE falling for people.

Major assignments completed: 9
Days 'til my third SAT: 3
Weight lost: 30 pounds

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